Michelangelo Buonarroti, 1475-1564 When people think of Michelangelo, three things usually come to mind: the Sistine Chapel ceiling, David, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Barring the latter, Michelangelo was a guy who lived during a pretty prosperous time in European history, from 1475 - 1564, and he was good at pretty much everything.
Just a couple of hundred of years before, Europe was ravaged by streets filled with poo, barbarians fighting over the ruins of Rome, war, Vikings, and of course, stupidity. After the Crusades, the Christian soldiers brought back some pretty neat stuff from the Middle East, which was pretty much kicking their ass in civiality, such as science and art. The Renaissance was born.
Michelangelo was an Italian Renaissance artist, adept in sculpture, painting, and architecture. At heart, he was a sculptor; though he was extremely talented in painting, sculpture was where his true passion was. He often sculpted without extensive planning, as he was also a wizard and claimed to have the magical ability to see the finished work when only a huge slab of marble lay ahead of him. In other words, he was pretty awesome.
Very quickly, Michelangelo grew in popularity with patrons. The art community, however, was composed of jealous 14-year-old girls and felt threatened by him, and decided to come up with a plan to discredit him. Two of the main artists of the conspiracy were painter Raphael and architect Donato Bramante, who went to Pope Julius II to hatch an evil scheme. Their conversation is rumored to go as such:
Raphael: Man, seriously guys, who does that Michelangelo douche think he is? Does he just think he can waltz into the art scene and just pick up all of our customers with just talent? Ass.
Bramante: Yeah, come on, Jules, we've got to teach that guy a lesson. Let's vote him Prom King and then dump a vat of pig's blood on him during his acceptance speech!
Pope Julius: That's a little harsh, doncha think?
Raphael: I've got a better idea. You know the Sistine Chapel?
Pope Julius: Yeah, I know, I friggin' reside there.
Raphael: Yeah, so, we should totally have you make him paint the entire ceiling. The ENTIRE ceiling! He would be so pissed! Wouldn't that be great? That's like... 12,000 square feet!
Pope Julius: Ha! That guy doesn't really like painting much... that would be pretty damned funny.
Bramante: Good idea. He'll never be able to finish it and he'll look like a total tool. And all of our patrons will come back to us in droves!
Michelangelo, would was still a young artist, was adept with painting but had never before painted a fresco, so they were convinced he'd fail. Even if he didn't fail, they thought he would be painting that damn ceiling until the Second Coming, so he would be no longer be competition for these artists during that time period.
Pope Julius, being kind of a dick that went along with it, approached Michelangelo and asked him to undertake the project. At first, Michelangelo flat-out refused, because painting a ceiling for the rest of your life seemed like kind of a bummer. However, Julius was the goddamned Pope and what he said, went. So, sad and forlorn, Michelangelo put away his hammer and chisel and trudged morosely to the Sistine Chapel, his head hung low with melancholy.
So, here's an interior shot of the Chapel:
It's pretty high. Pretty big, too. Not exactly something you can stick on an easel. There are two versions as to how he painted this thing. Some say he laid on his back and painted on top of scaffolding, while others say he stood and craned his neck upward. Either way, it sucked. While he was stuck painting, Raphael and Bramante were giving each other high fives. However, the joke was on them. Originally, Pope Julius II had commissioned Michelangelo to paint large figures of the twelve Apostles: still a big project, but nothing too insane. However, Michelangelo said, "Nah. If I'm going to paint this huge-ass ceiling, it's going to be how I want it done, and I want it done awesome." He then went on to create a dazzling array of Biblical scenes and figures in very complex pieces, including the iconic Creation of Adam.
"You want amateur art? Here's your amateur art, douchebags!" -Michelangelo
Oh, yeah. He also painted the entire thing in only four years. Also, it was one of the greatest culminations of art ever created in the history of man. Raphael had lame little cupids.
"Your work may be iconic, Michelangelo, but at least mine will be on greeting cards for years to come!" -Raphael
(Author's note: Raphael is a Renaissance master and a great artist. But for this article, he's the guy in the letterman jacket that stole our hero's lunch money and girlfriend in the same day, then shoved him in a locker.)
An interesting point about the Sistine Chapel is the hidden political commentary. In The Last Judgment, there is a figure of St. Bartholomew, a martyr who was flayed alive, and is holding his skin in the painting. However, the skinned face resembles that of Michelangelo, who was pretty much constantly getting ragged on by the Church (for painting ...gasp... nude figures, and for being upset for painting entire ceilings of chapels) and the art community. This can be seen below:
So there you have it. One of the most important creations of art was forced to be created by a jerk of a Pope and some jealous artists. Almost makes you glad they did do it though, hmm? All in all, Michelangelo painted the following on the ceiling:
1. Nine Biblical scenes from the Book of Genesis
-The Separation of Light and Darkness
-The Creation of the Sun, Moon and Earth
-The Separation of Land and Water
-The Creation of Adam
-The Creation of Eve
-The Temptation and Expulsion
-The Sacrifice of Noah
-The Great Flood
-The Drunkenness of Noah
2. Twelve prophetic figures
-Seven prophets
-Five sibyls
3. Pendentives, or small triangular curving spaces on the walls between arches
-The Brazen Serpent, The Punishment of Haman, David and Goliath, and Judith and Holofernes
4. Several lunettes, painting them with the Ancestors of Christ
5. The Ignudi, or 20 athletic nudes that act as supporting figures, spread out throughout the rest of the ceiling
Here, have some art:
The Sistine Chapel ceiling
The Sacrifice of Noah
The Last Judgment, detail(Central figures are the Virgin Mary and a young Christ)
The Libyan Sibyl
(Author's Note: Michelangelo was known for having manly-looking women in his painted work. This is due to the fact that the only models he had to work with were dudes.)
The Temptation and Expulsion, detail of the Temptation half
